It's become ABUNDANTLY clear that you and I are looking for very different things. That's okay, y'know, some things just aren't meant to be. It doesn't mean we didn't have some good times, we did. We totally did. And, y'know, those times we had together? The good times? They still mean a lot to me, really. I'm always gonna be able to look back and remember all those great concerts and finally getting back on the stage doing stupid voices and having one of my most interesting Halloweens ever... but, y'know... as things go, mistakes were made. Feelings got hurt on both ends. We also met some great new friends, though, and the adversity even managed to strengthen some of the friendships that were already there. Sometimes that's all you can ask for, I guess, right? Strength through adversity?
But, y'know... I think it was clear early on that it was just not gonna work between us. I mean... we tried. We really, really tried and there was so much I liked about you and so much I hoped for the two of us... There were times were it seemed like it was really gonna happen for us, 2009, but in the end it just got way too messy, way too confusing and in spite of all the great things we had between us, anymore I just find myself getting angry just thinking about you and what you did to me, 2009. I put a lot of faith in you, a lot of trust, and you just continued to let me down. Were there things I could've done different? Sure. There were a lot of things I could've handled better but, in the end, it doesn't really make any difference, does it? It was bound to end up this way sooner or later. I just wish it had been sooner. Then, maybe, I wouldn't end up feeling this frustrated and hurt.
But, hey... I'll get through it. I'm getting through. Every little bit helps. Every friendly ear, every chance I have to bury myself in the things I love... my comics, my art, great films, great music... It all goes into building a better me-- And I think that's what we all want, right? The best version of ourselves. I wasn't my best with you, 2009. There were moments, but all-in-all, the timing was off with us. That's okay, y'know, because I... well... I don't know how to say this, 2009, but... I don't think we should see each other anymore. ...Like... At all. I just think it's best if we just cut ties completely, 2009. I know we both thought we could be friends, but it's just not good for us. We had some fun and I do wish you well, but we're not good for each other, 2009.
I want to start seeing other years. I'm going to start spending some time with 2010. I think there's some potential there, but we'll see where things go. Most of all, I just wanna work on myself. Refocus on my art, get back on the stage some more, maybe learn the guitar. I need to work on me and I can't do that with you hanging around. I get this pit in my stomach and I think about all the things that went wrong and all the potential that went unfulfilled and I can't do that. I need to look forward. I need a clean slate, a fresh start. Maybe 2010 will allow me that, maybe not, but I have to see where it goes. If not, there's always other years. I just gotta do what's best for me, right?
So, this... I guess this is goodbye. Things were tricky but you meant a lot to me, 2009. I learned a lot about myself and there were some really powerful memories that I'll carry with me always. You were... well, you were something else. For good and for bad.
I wish things could've been different between us.
Tracie "Subtext" Mauk